All Are Welcome

Is your life lacking sweetness and joy? Then do we have the place for you! Founded by Joseph Shalhoub in 1886, we are a small group, dedicated to improving life and your overall fruit ingestion experience. As a member you will be the beneficiary of a new, tangy outlook and a stickier handle on existence. Only, however, if you embrace the sweet, stretchy, leather-like experience of eating one of life’s true pleasures: fruit leather.

Yes, we believe that the answer to all of life’s problems can be found through the sticky-sweet-gumminess and resulting cavities. Sick? Maybe you just need more vitamin C! Fruit leather has that. Overweight? Fruit Leather is low-fat! Spouse, significant other, or crush, being a disappointment? The natural sugars in fruit leather will make you feel better! Someone causing you distress? Tie them to the chair with fruit leather! The impact it will have is immeasurable (definitely more than 2, not less than Q).

And so we give thanks to The Holy Shalhoub, for bequeathing to this fine nation the wonders of flavored, gummy, fruit strips. We honor him by donning our ceremonial tiaras, meeting once a week at the dentist’s office for our communal cavity fillings, and tithings of more fruit leather.

Please arrive wearing pants. We don’t want another repeat of that ONE episode, Frank.


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